This Too Shall Pass

I don't know if it's just my raging hormones going against me or if I finally reached the wick of my undying candle of patience and understanding. I cannot stress any more how exceedingly stressful Wednesday was. Definitely not the right way to start the term, to start the my final term in college. It wasn't how I pictured it at all.

Thursday was spent in hibernation, consultation, and reflection.

I've always looked at myself as a person of will and strength. Even the strong fall down sometimes. I feel so weak after everything that took place today. I don't know what to exactly feel anymore. I just know that I let myself down and I feel weaker than I ever have felt in my entire life. I'm physically-, mentally-, and emotionally-spent.

This too shall pass. You keep saying it over and over and over and it becomes real. I wish it was that easy. I say it over and over and over and I get tired and frustrated, and it just lingers even longer. All is well!

Slow Down

My third year high school Christian Living teacher's status in Facebook this afternoon:

There will always be deadlines, pressures, and work. So ask yourself, "What did you do today that will last?" Do you live your life doing what is urgent, or doing what is important?

This made me pause. I sat back and reflected. It's always a breather to see things like this. It makes me rethink my purpose, evaluate my priorities, and fuel my motivation.

Career High

Academic Year 2009-2010, Second Term, was when I hit the lowest GPA. I was really lazy then; I lacked the motivation and I got into a lot of things that interested me more than school did. That term was really fun but the GPA I got wasn't fun at all! After that, I vowed: NEVER AGAIN!

This term, I hit career high. It's Dean's List-worthy, after all. I was a Dean's Lister for only two terms in my frosh year. That's it. Everything had been pretty much a struggle after that, what with majors and all. *sigh* Given that I only have thesis and one major class for this term, it's only right that I get the grade I have wanted for a long time: DL-worthy with a GPA of above 3.0. But wait, there's more! Haha. Had I enrolled 12 units this term, I would definitely qualify for the Dean's List! First Honors, at that: 3.667. WHAT UP? However, had I enrolled 12 unites this term, I might have not reached that high a grade. Haha. But I'm still very grateful that all sleepless nights and stressful mornings have finally paid off.

Here's to a merry, merry, merry Christmas vacation! CHEERS!

Tomorrow, I shall formally close this term and fly to my hometown! Time to leave school behind and enjoy my limited time with family and friends back home! CHRISTMAS BREAK CHALLENGE: All my bags are packed and I'm ready to go. I decided to leave my laptop and planner here in Manila. Davao time will be school- and work-free!

Happy holidays!

The End of The Beginning

Officially done with THESIS A! The meeting/orientation or pep talk/party or what have you that we had with our thesis mentor this afternoon was overwhelming. It made me realize how much I have to be thankful for since, yun na nga, after all the painstaking days and nights trying to perfect our proposal, well, I can't say that it's perfect per se, thereabouts.

And as it all ended, it's time to welcome the holidays with a merry cheer! (Whuts.) And after that, I come back to reality that the end of this term is only the beginning of a life-altering academic challenge!

Working Lunch Productions, lunchmates, we've only just begun! Let's go for gold! *wink, nudge*

P.S. / O.T.

I'm quite sad that the Philippines lost the first leg of the AFF Suzuki Cup to Indonesia by 0-1. It's the first time that I have ever been excited about a football game and we lost. *sigh* Anyway, we just need to score two goals on the second leg and we're good to go!

Overdrive

My life, academic and extra-curricular, is on overdrive. It seems like every aspect of living in this now is pushing me too hard. I know my limits, I respect it. But my responsibilities do not recognize its presence. How much more do I expect these responsibilities to respect my limits? In fact, I don't expect anything from it at all. I have no problem with that. It's the people who abuse these responsibilities who give me the headache. This is not insubordination; I just wanna say it, and perhaps reassure myself, that I am a sane and logical human person. I will do what is expected of me to the best of my abilities. But I just wish that people would realize that they've been pushing too far and hard against my self-imposed limits.

I'm on a cliff. It's exciting to be where I am but if I ever decide to jump off it, leave me be. Don't push me. Let me go on my own terms.

Since I'm on the topic of drive... We sold the car. I still don't have a driver's license. Relevance of photo? Nothing. Just something for me to remember it by.

Longest, Most Eventful 24 Hours of My Life... Yet

EVENT#1 : A departure

Shortly after my previous post, at around 12:30AM of July 14, 2010, my mom received a call from my aunt back home in Davao about my uncle who was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. He was admitted to the hospital last June 14, exactly a month prior to his passing. In a way, it appeared as if he went at his own terms because aside from the coincidence with the dates, he passed a little after my aunt left the hospital. It hurt a lot because he was like the second daddy I had back in grade school and high school. Whenever my dad was elsewhere because his work required him to be, Uncle Bong was the savior for anything my mom, brother, and I needed to have fixed, fetched, what have you. It hurt even more to hear my best friend-cousin on the other end of the line, say how hard to accept that her daddy won't come home from then on. Ultimately, I think Kelbong (as we fondly cut his name short) is now at peace with both his parents, brother, and in-laws.

EVENT#2 : She was such a pain, her name was Basyang

I feared that this typhoon would be Ondoy-like. Thank God it wasn't really a storm or typhoon, only a tropical depression. It didn't feel like one, though. It felt like the end of the world; or at least the end of our roof, our building, the like. Haha. Around the same time after the news, the power died. Great. So I had stinging and puffy eyes, and now I'd be sweating like mad cos all windows and doors were shut cos of the intense wind!

As the wind howled, the tree branches flew, and the roof of our building struggled to remain intact, a glass shatters ever so loudly. A French window's glass broke and fell onto a wind shield of an old car parked directly below it. Our car was a spot away. Whew.

EVENT#3 : More stress

Still no electricity the following morning. It was getting too warm in our place so we headed to Glorietta and hoped to get cooler air. And to charge our phones at Burger King, too. But no, what a failure. Glorietta was like an oven; Burger King was like a sardine can filled with fish and sauce to the brim. Glorietta 5, though, finally served its purpose of being isolated from all the other wings of the main mall: the air-conditioning was normal! Sbarro's Chicago Deep White never fails. My mood turned right side up instantly. Haha. Where's the stress there anyway? Haha.

EVENT#4 : Fire in the house

Well, not my house. Not even on my building, thank God. It was at the ground floor of the third building of our condo compound. Some stupid neighbor left the stove cooking. I mean, come on. What right-in-the-head-moron would do that? It could have been arson for all it's worth. My dad was at the parking area, near the place of the fire incident, when people started clamoring from outside the compound, some shouting, "Sunog!" Everyone helped to put the fire out; in this sense, they tried breaking in through destroying the front gate (which never should have been there in the first place; it's a condo compound, for God's sake, it's not your property.) The geniuses who owned the unit finally arrived and had the audacity to be angry. The nerve. They even threatened to sue the administration, my dad, and those who helped destroy their gate and other property put out the fire. Ungrateful and spiteful. Perfect.

EVENT#5 : Desperate times calls for desperate measures

Because of the recent incident with my uncle, Mom had to go home. That only means one thing: CHORES FOR ME! I didn't like the idea of it but may be worth the experience. A week without mom is a crash course in HOMEMAKING101. Who knows, on the seventh day, I'm good enough to marry. HAHAHAHA.

Give and Take

You know how life turns out to be a shiz-hole for a time that it feels like eternity and you can no longer find reason to be utterly happy? That's how I've been for the past week. Or weeks? With the org responsibilities piling up and the midterms coming up, I have never felt so stressed in my life. Add to that, I found out recently that my favorite uncle has been diagnosed with lung cancer. What is stress, right? I finally found the Achilles' Heel of my dependence on Stresstabs. There can never be too much tabs when there is so much stress. What. Hahaha. K.

Today has been pretty much a give-and-take day.

It started out as me being all grumpy cos I didn't wake up early enough to review for my two quizzes scheduled for the day. Despite the cold shower, hearty breakfast, and running late, my eyelids wouldn't stop drooping! And my mind tells me that my body is too tired that it's numb and that I feel extremely exhausted. (LIFE TAKES!) Like I said, I've never felt so tired in my life. I concude such because I had to stop by 10-Q, a convenience store along Taft, to down 180ml of ionized energy drink so I could stay awake, if not focused. I can't possibly screw up either quizzes. True enough, I didn't feel like dozing off the whole morning! (LIFE GIVES!)

Feeling pretty much alive, I go up to the office and find that it's crowded with so many newly accepted trainees! I planned to review for my next quiz but it didn't happen. Too much people! Well, not that it's a bad thing; we did want to hoard on newbies this term. (LIFE TAKES! LIFE GIVES!)

I headed out to meet Joh and AJ during my lunch break. Joh told me over the weekend that she bought something for me because it reminded her of me. ADORABLE, YES? Mini magnets in the form of my favorite creature on earth!

Look! It's on our fridge door already! Heehee. Oh, and yeah, I had to include that photo of my Lola, brother, and I in the frame. Hee.

I found out that she sat in AJ's Art Appreciation class wherein they made pretty little collages. She probably had nothing to do and there were art materials available. Look what she made for me! This is why Joh makes a perfect girlfriend. Too bad I'm interested in a perfect boyfriend. Haha! But she's an awesome bestfriend, that's for sure.

Snapping back to reality, I took a flabbergasting 100-point exam. (LIFE TAKES.) I head to the office in time to prepare for the highly awaited GMG General Assembly and Newbie Orientation. We hoarded new trainees. I'm not sure if it's a good thing, though, but I hope it will be. I had my apprehensions but as soon as we started, everything flowed as if they have been determined to happen in such way. (LIFE GIVES!)

We were... CROWDED. I'm not sure but I think all there were more than 50 of us crammed in a 45 seating capacity class room. Hahaha.

I forgot the title. Red Rover? Haha. Mimi's game.

Sir Brad giving a pep talk to the Green Media Group.

LIFE GIVES. Life gives a lot. When things turn bland from mundaneness, bitter from stress, and sour from ugly experiences, life gives. I waited and endured patiently, and alas! It all ends sweet after all.

Welcome to Finals

Finally, Lasallians will soon face the wrath of the stresses of finals week. It may not be the prettiest sight one's hopes and wishes can muster but I definitely would choose that over any other academic week. Third term felt so long, my oh my. I don't like the idea of final exams because I like projects, papers, presentations, and deadlines better. I'm weird like that, I know.

I was supposed to see my best friend, Bru, and a good friend, Carizza, fresh from Davao City today. Unforeseen circumstances and unlikely mishaps got in the way. I'm sad. But! The weekend is beckoning! Hopefully, they'll have time between their debate tourneys to squeeze in some bond-with-Cee-time. I want to make this meet up happen. I miss them both so bad! So there, I'm sad. But not sad enough to shun away how great my afternoon and evening went!

Even though I'm missing two people, I had an awesome time with another set of two people anyways. My other best friend (yes, I have quite a list of them), Joh, and my lover-friend (no malice on the title), AJ, are a match made in awesome-land. We went to Greenbelt, despite the lack of purpose (which was supposed to be the meet up), and just had fun. I couldn't say more. Us three are crazy. Hahaha.

ANYWAY. I have a packed weekend ahead of me. Projects, papers, and a presentation to work on are on an OC-made time block. apart from that, I have org term-end responsibilities to tend to in between study time and examination days. I normally would have gone on a serious rant-fest given this scenario. I'm actually surprised how calm and collected a state I am in. I'm looking forward to an extremely busy-but-fun-in-between weekend.

I'm loving my life. :)

Back From Hiatus

Such an eventful Friday! (Okay, fine, fine, delayed post. Hahaha.)

"Ladies and gentlemen, please, walk this way!" Mr. Carlos Celdran, thank you, I had an awesome walking tour! Manila never looked so different until you made us see beyond aesthetics. :)
On a kalesa with Meryl, Kay, and Paula! Thanks manong kalesa driver for this photo!
Later that Friday, Royale: Rule the Night at Gasthof, A-Venue, a party for the benefit of Project: Brave Kids. I rarely go to parties but my friends, Lych and Reg (and their group for their event class) organized it. Congrats!

(Okay, so they're not in the photo. Hahaha. Sorry, the ones with them aren't up yet!) Here's Pam, Ate Clarence, Kuya Jojo, AJ, and Mommy Ria! Some heart-to-heart with Ate Clarence made a lot of things make a lot of sense! :)
And then my Saturday and Sunday were very uneventful. Home, grocery shopping, church, dine out. But it was awesome, nonetheless.

I didn't mind three things for three days:

1. SCHOOL - Yes, I know it's almost finals week but I think I can manage to take a break. Besides, my classes this term don't require a lot of reading, reviewing, studying, and the like. Most of them (if not all, hmm) are method- or process- application classes. Of course, having Monday as a no-class-day is always a plus! :)
   
2. WORK - I know I'm not really "employed" but GMG, more than an extra-curricular school activity, is almost my life. Well, my lifestyle is dictated by it sometimes. I haven't been very MIA (missing in action) because I'm like glued to my phone, still. I think I really, really deserve a break from all the production services request. After all, I have academic, family, and social life to lookout for as well.
   
3. CYBERSPACE - My mom always told me that I'm an internet monster. Or a computer monster. Something like that. I look like a zombie because I stay up until the wee hours of dawn, just hooked up to the internet, eyes glues to the monitor, fingers typing away to infinity. And beyond! (Haha, Buzz Lightyear in the house?) I'm glad to see only 77 email messages for a span of three days, as opposed to my more estimated 50+ email messages per 24 hours.

Now that I'm back from my so-so but relaxing weekend, I expect my world to be the way it was three days ago: noisy and erratic despite the awesome, cheap thrills. I don't expect the stress to be murderous anymore. I think I owned the weekend.

Happy Panda

Sometimes I just wanna hide from the world (well, MY world, at least) and from everything that's happening with it.

Photo downloaded from somewhere in the web, I don't own it. I wish I owned a panda, though.

What makes a panda sad?

Sometimes I just wanna hide from the world and from everything that's happening with it.

1. Sleeping at wee hours in the morning (try 2AM?) to make sure that the day ahead is planned, spic and span
2. Making endless phone calls and sending text messages that depletes a P100 credit to P12 in a matter of three days
3. Listening to ramblings and bickering from the bosses and higher ups about how wrong things were done
4. Setting three to four meetings in one afternoon just to meet deadlines

What makes a sad panda a happy one?

1. Getting a hug from mom, dad, brother, and puppy
2. Getting a pep talk from the ultimate hero, mommy
3. Crying a large bucket of tears as a way to de-stress
4. Getting by with classes and school work
5. Hanging out with friends (and best friends!) who actually listen even though some don't understand

I was Happy Panda at the beginning of this week. Tuesday came and I was Sad Panda. After today, request problems were resolved and issues were cleared. I'm no Sad Panda no more! But I ain't one that's happy either. Tomorrow, perhaps? :)

Best Weekend Yet

I believe I had the best weekend of the year yet.

Last Tuesday, I received news about what lies ahead for me in the next three terms of the incoming school year. I pulled an MIA (missing in action) Wednesday because the news from Tuesday has not sunk in yet. Oh, and because I had to cram a project and study for an exam. Thursday was another MIA day, but mostly from obligations and other responsibilities. It was a chill-day Thursday where everything's already perfect except for the parental issues that come and go. Frustrating.

Anyway, I'm here to word-vomit about my weekend. And to me, and other four-day-class week students, the weekend starts on a Friday!

Friday was awesome! I spent the whole day with my best bud, Bru! We went Greenhills shopping in the morning, lunch at Savory Chicken, chilled at Gelatissimo, a little more shopping at Greenbelt in the early afternoon, and wasted away chatting at Starbucks until sundown. I missed Bru so much, and now that he's back in Davao, I miss him again! And very late that night, I sat and bonded over coffee with my mom and two ate cousins! Looong day but it was hella good.

Zippo necklace I bought for my bud for P80!

At Topman. Yes, we both tried on a shirt. No problem for him, see. Ugh, I can be such a boy sometimes! Haha!

Chilled at Gelatissimo! Love you, bud!

Goofing with my mom at Bo's Coffee. Two cousins' photos were too goofy for this entry that they might have me killed if I put them up. Haha! Baboy! (Inside-joke!)

Saturday was majorly super mega ultra awesome! I met up with Lexie at the MRT Magallanes Station so we could go to the Shang together. We met up with thesis-mates Tracy and Nadine, went to Cartwheel Foundation, Inc. (their chosen organization for thesis) where Joh was, to help them prepare for the night of their lives, the event!

I got to do what I do best, event production! Well, by best, I may not be that good, but event production is something I believe I can really manage long-term. I acknowledge all the panic and stress pre-, during, and post-production. It's part of a long process that involves mega fulfillment in the end! So, to my three amazing friends: Joh, Tracy, and Nads, thank you for giving me the opportunity to take part in producing your event! I know I do those stuff in GMG but I think your event gave me satisfaction that's totally in a different league!

Being the Green Media Group person that I am, I spent an awful lot of time running from the stage, where the AVP was located, then up the tech booth for lights and sounds. Above is me taking a breather in the tech booth. Hahaha.
[Photo courtesy of Therese Ong]

Oops? Photo size fail? Haha. Okay, I'm lazy to re-upload. Make do with this, please. Thanks. Haha. So above is a photo of 8 lovely Org Comm girls as production crew; 3 thesis-ers and 5 friendly helpers. Haha. Plus! The thesis group's mentor and three other professors from the panel. Congrats again, girls! ;)
[Photo courtesy of Lexie Cerezo's camera. I think. Haha!]

How nice is it that the event title fit squarely with what the night really was? A NIGHT TO REMEMBER: Cartwheel Foundation, Inc.'s recognition dinner held at The Legend Villas, Mandaluyong City. A night worth remembering, definitely.

AWESOME, AWESOME, AWESOME.

The Future Started Today

Responsibility is something I've always had, but it wasn't something I always chose to deal with. Sometimes, random circumstances tweak the way your life was supposed to go... Or at least how you wanted it or how you planned it. It's all a matter of recognizing priorities and acknowledging what's urgent and important.

Today marked the beginning of a future (I hope will be) filled with surprise, excitement, new insights, new learning, and maybe a bit of healthy stress. Haha! Come on, I'm not being pessimistic; it's all part of the job. Pressure will always be there to create stress, eventually. Just a reality check. Haha.

Today, the gods have spoken. Haha, what gods? I have one and He's the only one I got.

I know and I believe my Father loves me, He never leaves me.

My Father's Child
(A gospel song I learned back in grade school.)

I am more than scared than confident, which isn't such an advisable start. But the more that I think about it, I am constantly being reminded that there will always be my GMG mommies and current co-executive board members who I can run to when all is set on rocky ground.

Outgoing and incoming EBs.
[Photo courtesy of Joan Guinto]

All geared up? Good to go? Let's do this, darlings!
AJ, Meryl, Mimi, Sheila, and Angge... WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER, OKAY? I believe in us! :)
[Photo courtesy of Joan Guinto]

Green Media Group - Second General Assembly,
AY 2009-2010, T3 | Y505

Photos, photos!

Coverage Pool!
[Photo courtesy of Joan Guinto]

So, here.
[Photo courtesy of Meryl Algenio. Thanks, sis. CONGRATULATORY!!! Haha!]

*** EDIT ***
So just to give you more than just an idea, haha, I've been to vague, yeah? Haha. I was elected as the DLSU Green Media Group's President for the incoming school year of 2010-2011. There. Whew. It still feels a little weird to say (or type) that. La la la. :)

Fate...

... is something I hardly believe in. It is something that I resort to only when logic (and all else) fails. It's simply like throwing myself into an abyss, a bottomless pit, just because I was too lazy to make sense of it.

It's driven me before, and it seems to a faint,
haunting mass appeal.
But lately I, am beginning to find that I,
should be the one behind the wheel.

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there,
with open arms and open eyes, yeah.
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there,
I'll be there...

Drive
Incubus

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there. I'll try my best but no guarantees. You can expect my open arms and open eyes, though. ;)

Despite Everything

• Most convenient supplement to the inexplicable: OMG!
• Most used and censored acronym: WTF?
• Less harsh version of WTF: WTH?!
• Whatever, giving up soon: FML.
  

Despite everything I'm going through right now, and I'm not kidding, it's A LOT and it's getting on my nerve already, I have this acronym to live by...

[Image acquired from someone's Tumblr from way back when I can't remember. Haha.]

Oh. Not a problem. This is me. I always will be! ;)

Kudos to self-empowerment? Hahaha! So my drama-rama the past few days were triggered by kicking and screaming hormones. Just like what I expected.

Two big week-end-er events that happened today:

1. Media Entrepreneurship elective class midterm presentation about a media business plan held in school in the morning
   
2. DLSU Green Media Group's 7th annual interschool digital film competition: Indie Un-Film 2010 at the SM Mall of Asia Cinema 1, from 2PM-6PM
   

The former was okay. "Great analysis, intelligently researched, but poorly presented." *SIGH* Sorry naman. Haha, not built for business courses! Hahaha. The latter, aye-yai-yai! Awesome! Looks like I didn't forget after all. So, y'all DFTBA, okay? :)

Word Vomit

Word vomit is simply a rant-fest. If you have very little patience, I suggest that you exit this page or divert from this entry, at least.

So I'll just air out a few stuff, some food for thought, the likes of which. La la la la.

I hate it when people of authority over you nag like there's no tomorrow and you don't even know why, at that. I totally get how they feel, that they just see to it that you're fully-functioning and all that. What I don't get is that you have a problem with me and you seem to suddenly divert randomly and name-drop. I can take all the sh*t they're ready to give me because I think I've been stronger, but the fact that the people I love get run over is a whole different story. I am crying buckets right now and I'm sure there will be more.

I hate it when people of authority over you try to threaten you as they turn the things that you love against you. That one thing that you are most passionate (or maybe not really) about is about to be taken from you, how would you feel about that? To make things even harder, you've already been rid of freedom to explain because of baseless assumptions, and that your life has been really great (not being sarcastic, okay) except for unreasonable provisions set upon you.

I just want to stress that I'm not in a rebelling phase. Like what a friend recently told me, it's only "inflicting injury to yourself". I totally get why you are being that way. I just don't think it's fair that people I love get involved sans reasonable cause. I don't think it's fair that I get more strangled than I always have been and the things that I value most are taken from or turned against me.

Ice Cream Therapy

Just when I tried to appreciate how nice yesterday went for me, today has been one hell of a day of stress. Maybe it's the hormones kicking in, yeah? I believe I made it clear to a lot of people around me today that I'm not one to be joked around with. I made it clear that I wasn't a grouch, either. Haha.

One of my best friends, Meryl, and I have this Ice Cream Therapy thing. Whenever things would go out of hand that it leaves us stressed and irked and frustrated and all that, ice cream is definitely the ultimate comfort food. After a crappy day, I just wished for ice cream. I was running low on cash so the best option is to just keep on wishing. Haha, sad. I went home and voila, ice cream in the freezer!

January 16, 2010 at Gelatissimo, Greenbelt 5
Oh, I didn't get Gelatissimo today. I ate ordinary chocolate ice cream you'll find in the supermarket. Aye, Gelatissimo! I wish, though.