Moving Forward!

Yes, I am alive!

I can't say "I'm back" though, for one main reason: there is no assurance that I am indeed back on the blogging, and if this time it is for real. The past three months were a whirlwind of learning and adjusting to new people, places, things... New life, perhaps?

What I can say is that my blogging would still be intermittent bordering on nil-nada-zilch. Aside from the fact that I rarely use a computer outside the office now, when I do, I always end up choosing to do other things. I love writing, especially if it's recording my daily life experiences, musings, and whatnot, but sometimes I find comfort in just keeping things reserved. At some point, I felt like I was on the verge of winning the Queen of Overshare crown. As much as it sounds like it's a royal award, I don't think I would like that.

Anyway, this will probably be the last of my journal entries...

For the year! Haha! I don't think I can ever let go of this blog. I've deleted a ton of things that contained years of memories; all those posts prior to the first entry of the rebirth of this blog, and I'm not about to put this all to waste. I will keep this like it's treasure.

I probably won't be writing as frequently as I did when I was in school; back when I had time to write endlessly because I always put off doing my homework. Haha! And I probably won't be writing as much about the details of my life, just because. I never really worried about security or stalkers or whatever; I always believed that I was responsible for everything I published and I still hold that idea that everything that goes on here will be accountable to me. It's just that life gets pretty mundane one moment and super exciting the next. I guess if I write about everything from both ends and everything else in between, I would run out of things to say, and I wouldn't want that. Or if I keep having words to say, which is mostly the case, I would become less interested in what life has for me.

I want to keep this blog for... I dunno. I don't wanna have a purpose for this anymore. Maybe this creature of habit finally found her kryptonite at breaking the writing habit, I don't know. It would be sad but rest assured that I will be coming back. To write about a new career opportunity, to write about family, to write about life and love, to write about the random things I always do, to write about what what drives me to go through day to day...

That said, I will be moving forward, with myself, with work, with family, with love... With life. I am now keeping a journal (yes, the old school one!) and so far have been unsuccessful at making the quota of writing one entry a day! Haha. Quantity doesn't deem to important nowadays when all that matters is that I write with the heart and the mind in the same direction.

Thank you, 2011. You have been an amazing, amazing, amazing year. No words for the greatness you have brought into my life. Welcome, 2012. I have high hopes with you!

And to you, my friend, here's to yet another year gone by and to another year to make hella awesome memories again! Cheers!

Emotions On Overdrive

You know when a girl has this time of the month that the red flag is raised? Based on observation, hearsay, and experience, that's when the girl becomes too emotional and sensitive over the smallest things. Well, my hormones must be running wild! See, I recently finished that part of the cycle, okay TMI, but I can't get any more ridiculous today!

I stayed home all day, partly because I had no business in school or elsewhere. I was drained from yesterday, too. But for the most part, I was (still am) scared to bits about the recent bus bombing incident at Ayala Ave. So I stayed in my pajamas, had n bowls of cereals, and watched newly downloaded movies.

Emotions On Overdrive (EOO) Symptom # 1:

I laughed too much while watching Easy A. Well, props, if it really was that funny. I loved it! Also, I got too excited about Olive's wit and the whole wordplay thing going on. I felt so down for her when things got really messed up. Like, come on, Cee. What up?

EOO Symptom # 2:

I cried over a random scene in Across the Universe when the movie barely started laying out its plot. I thought I recovered well when I began to sing with the cast to the tunes of The Beatles. No, bad recovery, even. I bawled my eyes out some more during Jude and Lucy's forcied means of separation.

While enjoying my movie-watching, Mom alerts me about an incident in one of the residential condominiums currently under construction at Paseo de Roxas. Construction workers were killed from a gondola fall of almost 30 floors.

EOO Symptom # 3:

Add to the fact that the recent incident was spine-tingling, I can't believe I got goosebumps all over my body. I can't help but be all jumpy and jittery at the smallest things. Makati City has been the hot spot for bad news lately.

Last year's season of American Idol bored me. After the new set of judges for American Idol 10, though, I got myself quite hooked again. Plus, I expected that talents were running low, so I felt rejuvenated to see that this year, a lot of hopefuls can still bring it! Take Chris Medina from the Wisconsin auditions.

EOO Symptom # 4:

Come on. It's not only his tragic story, which I think will be bashed by haters very soon; say a couple of hours. He sang the most beautiful of all songs in my life's soundtrack. He sang it really well with his own twist. I'm the The Script was proud of him. And how can I not shed a tear when he said, "What kind of guy would I be if I walked out when she needed me the most?" I hope men in all forms and walks of life were listening.

My eyes are too puffy now.

Double Down

During commercial breaks of Manny Pacquiao's fight with Antonio Margarito on local TV, a brilliantly engaging KFC ad for its new product floods the airtime. Brilliant, because that ad sent people flocking through KFC branches, at least those that I visited. In my circle, there has been this undying hype about the KFC Double Down. Not only was the ad effective, in my opinion, chicken-meat-on-chicken-meat-with-bacon-cheese-and-mayo-in-between is nothing but intriguing.

Needless to say, Double Down has always been sold out each time I visit a KFC branch. The hype excites me as it frustrates me. A couple of days ago, I decided to give up on the quest for that elusive and intriguing Double Down. I told myself that if I ever get to try it, ever, it better give justice to my expectations. I don't want to prolong this entry as I have deviated yet again from my main goal for tonight.

Tonight, Daddy brought home a bag from KFC. Voila.

It's oily, salty, chicken-meaty. Exactly the way I expected it to be. Hands down to KFC for amazing advertising!

After everything it has put me through, it deserves a photo opportunity so that it is immortalized on this blog; something to remember it by, how it had me pulling at my hair and gnashing my teeth each time the clerk at the counter said: "Sold out na po eh."

Randumb Musings

I realized that I will soon be enrolling online, and I will finally have to click the "YES" radio button when asked: "Are you graduating?" Or was it? Basta, to that effect. I'm so giddy. I pray that all goes well with thesis, this and next term.

Speaking of thesis, I currently have five books from the university library. And note that last Wednesday was my first time to check out a book. What is I've-been-a-passive-library-person all my life in college until now?

I love it that my R&B-, Rap- and Urban-loving 16 year-old brother loves the song Little Person by Jon Brion. Cute, yes? :) He even asked how I got it. Thanks, Meryl! Hihi.

I want to thank Meryl in advance for posting our treatment shoot behind-the-scene photos from last Friday. I hate, hate, hate that my Bluetooth still isn't working. Aghh. In line with the first part of this entry, Macbook Pro for graduation, please, daddy? Haha! I hope you didn't get tired of visiting my blog, dad.

I'm almost always hungry even though I eat at designated meal times. That fact makes me sad. I do my best to exercise, as in run laps at the university Sports Complex's Olympic-sized oval, but I don't seem to make any progress. And I'm sad that I won't be able to run tomorrow! Huhu, my friend Arlene and I sorta made it a Tuesday-Thursday ritual, and now we'll have to break that streak! Hmpf.

I need to get my priorities straight. I have pending errands/responsibilities and it's been sitting on my to-do list for forever. Dentist appointment, almost a year. Contact boxing gym, one month. Inquire at nearest driving school, two months. Meeting minutes, one term. Revamp and do general cleaning on my room, one year. Get on with it, Cee. Please!

Musings And More Musings

My legs are still sore from yesterday. It was such a long day! I went to: a meeting, a digital film screening, a lunch date and bonding with my guy best friend, an orientation for our office's sports fest, a celebratory bonding escapade with a few GMG, a theater decorum video shoot, a dinner date with an old friend and my other guy best friend, a meet up with a few course mates. There was so much walking around involved. I was dead tired when I got home.

And today, I wasn't able to sleep in like I usually do on weekends. I had to go wherever my family planned to go because they said so. Agghh. Dad had leather car seat covers customized, brother bought new shoes again. As form Mom, she wasn't much of a spender today, as well as I. Maybe we have other plans for tomorrow. Haha.

In line with yesterday and today's events, I muse:

• I missed Bru a whole damn lot. I got to see him for a couple of hours or so yesterday and of course, it was super bitin! More soon, I hope.
• Give me one day with the right set of people and I could rapidly kill a body organ.
• We never seek for anything that's already there because obviously, it's just simply there. But we never stop seeking for anything because maybe that's how we were made to function. How else is the act of seeking significant if we get satisfied with what's here and now? (I think I lost my train of thought after the first sentence of this soup-y bullet.)
• Over dinner, AJ, Laine, and I had a meaningful topic for conversation: How do you know that you really, really, really like somebody? Like, how can you gauge? Isn't it solely subjective? We all had different takes on the issue and we never found a conclusion to it. Maybe it shall be an open question forever. Or at least until we're sure about it anyway. Hmm, food for thought.
• My friend Tracy asked me last night how I was, after not being able to see each other regularly since she and almost everyone else already graduated: "Kamusta ka?" And I, "Uhm, okay lang. Just school-bahay. Haha! You?" She said, "Wala, steady. Uhm, work. So, love life?" And I, "Huh! Wala, boring nga eh!" And Tracy goes, "Kahit crush?" Me, "Eh... Wala talaga. I mean, like, meron pero walang balak. Walang plano." Then AJ chimed in, "Walang pag-asa?" And I go, "Yes! Exactly!" And Tracy wins the conversation with, "Ang meron lang tayo ay wala!" Actually, I just wanted to say how I think she's so right on so many aspects.

Seasonal Passion

The previous entry said: DETAILS LATER.

Seriously? I couldn't even get my personal life (that's academics, extra-curricular activities, familial responsibilities, what have you) in order and I'd have time to update my blog? Answer is, no. *DING DING DING!* Jackpot, baby.

Every time an idea sparks in my head, something I would definitely write about, I just happen to be elsewhere, a computer and internet access out of sight. I seem to have this seasonal passion for writing and I think I'm less of a fine writer that I was back in high school. I keep this blog so I could exercise, not just my fingers as I type, but my mind; to rid it of the cobwebs built by vanity and fear; to free my mind of pretensions. That's me, the writer. The other part of me is lazy and apathetic. I never run out of words (to say, yes, but) to write, never. I just can't find the energy and time.

When I wanna write, I really wanna write. And it gets all too frustrating if I can't get the words out! Take now, for example: I'm simply ranting. It's making me feel a little better but when I think about all the stuff I missed to write about, I feel bad again.

Must. Stop. Rant. Blogs. I become an inferior writer by the minute. Come to me, positivity!

Twitter Dependent

NO, IT'S NOT COOL. I CAN'T CHILL. AND YES, HURRY UP.

I'm just happy it isn't a drug I'm addicted to. All the same, though, I find myself gritting my teeth and trying to keep my hands from trembling violently when my Twitter feed doesn't show. When Twitter shows the Fail Whale whenever Twitter is Overcapacity, I curse silently in my head. And similar instances. *SIGH*

Too Eventful

The past week has been too eventful for my life in this lifetime. I can't even bring myself to recall everything that has happened but the highlights alone, which is a lot, to start with. So despite feeling the necessity to dedicate a separate entry for each event, I can't. Well, I can but I don't want to because it would take too much time. I'll do everything in chronology, and with photos if I'm lucky.

Like what I said in my July 15 entry rant, after the week, I shall be experienced enough and ready to marry. I've done dishes like I never did before, I finally learned to do the laundry, I made the house squeaky clean from corner to corner, and the like. The two things I haven't brought myself to conquer are: cleaning the toilet and cooking anything but Thai jasmine rice. I know, those are two things one must never put in the same sentence. LOL. So maybe I'm not ready to marry yet. I don't mind; it's not enough experience yet, but ultimately, I have no concrete plans of doing so at the moment. Haha.

Fast forward to July 23, Friday. The De La Salle University's Cultural Arts Office had its first CAO Mass and Induction of Officers (Executive Board), spearheaded by the Council of Company Managers and COCM Chair, Dal Ramos. Photos are taken by Gio San Pedro of the Green Media Group.

So there's me for Green Media Group, Ria Castillo for Lasallian Youth Orchestra, Kathy Chang for De La Salle Innersoul, Dal Ramos for Harlequin Theatre Guild, Reese Corpus for La Salle Dance Company - Contemporary, and Issa Fernandez for La Salle Dance Company - Street! Second photo is of us with Cultural Arts Office Director Ms. Glorife Samodio.

Here's the beautiful Executive Board of GMG with adviser Mr. Bradley Fenomeno. Us EB girls are missing AJ! :(
And because we share our adviser with Innersoul's trainer, this is... Inner-G! Hahaha!
Cultural Arts Office Executive Board family! Cheers to a great year ahead of us, guys and gals!

Later that day was a mega waterworks fest at Don Bosco when my parents and I went to Gabe's welcome back from retreat dinner party. The food was great! I believe the caterer was Blue Petal; must keep them in mind for future reference. Hehe. Here's a photo of Gabe's letter to Mom and Dad that brought us to tears even before the program started:

Here's Gabe, giving a spontaneous speech about their retreat experiences. I love how he chose his words, his delivery, everything! I am a proud sister! :')

July 24, Saturday. AWESOME. It's been more than a year, pushing on one and a half, since I've watched a ball game live. Last Saturday was just so sweet a victory for the Green Archers, who didn't make the Final Four last season; not only because DLSU is UAAP Season 73's host, but it was against their biggest rivals, the Ateneo Blue Eagles. Close match, with both teams struggling to score against strong defense. In all, I shake my head, I have no more words! Photos from my phone and (the nicer ones) from Yanee!

That's about it. My weekend rocked. And now as I type my way to finishing this entry, I hope, wish, and pray that tomorrow will be a start of a nice week, if not rocking.

Longest, Most Eventful 24 Hours of My Life... Yet

EVENT#1 : A departure

Shortly after my previous post, at around 12:30AM of July 14, 2010, my mom received a call from my aunt back home in Davao about my uncle who was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. He was admitted to the hospital last June 14, exactly a month prior to his passing. In a way, it appeared as if he went at his own terms because aside from the coincidence with the dates, he passed a little after my aunt left the hospital. It hurt a lot because he was like the second daddy I had back in grade school and high school. Whenever my dad was elsewhere because his work required him to be, Uncle Bong was the savior for anything my mom, brother, and I needed to have fixed, fetched, what have you. It hurt even more to hear my best friend-cousin on the other end of the line, say how hard to accept that her daddy won't come home from then on. Ultimately, I think Kelbong (as we fondly cut his name short) is now at peace with both his parents, brother, and in-laws.

EVENT#2 : She was such a pain, her name was Basyang

I feared that this typhoon would be Ondoy-like. Thank God it wasn't really a storm or typhoon, only a tropical depression. It didn't feel like one, though. It felt like the end of the world; or at least the end of our roof, our building, the like. Haha. Around the same time after the news, the power died. Great. So I had stinging and puffy eyes, and now I'd be sweating like mad cos all windows and doors were shut cos of the intense wind!

As the wind howled, the tree branches flew, and the roof of our building struggled to remain intact, a glass shatters ever so loudly. A French window's glass broke and fell onto a wind shield of an old car parked directly below it. Our car was a spot away. Whew.

EVENT#3 : More stress

Still no electricity the following morning. It was getting too warm in our place so we headed to Glorietta and hoped to get cooler air. And to charge our phones at Burger King, too. But no, what a failure. Glorietta was like an oven; Burger King was like a sardine can filled with fish and sauce to the brim. Glorietta 5, though, finally served its purpose of being isolated from all the other wings of the main mall: the air-conditioning was normal! Sbarro's Chicago Deep White never fails. My mood turned right side up instantly. Haha. Where's the stress there anyway? Haha.

EVENT#4 : Fire in the house

Well, not my house. Not even on my building, thank God. It was at the ground floor of the third building of our condo compound. Some stupid neighbor left the stove cooking. I mean, come on. What right-in-the-head-moron would do that? It could have been arson for all it's worth. My dad was at the parking area, near the place of the fire incident, when people started clamoring from outside the compound, some shouting, "Sunog!" Everyone helped to put the fire out; in this sense, they tried breaking in through destroying the front gate (which never should have been there in the first place; it's a condo compound, for God's sake, it's not your property.) The geniuses who owned the unit finally arrived and had the audacity to be angry. The nerve. They even threatened to sue the administration, my dad, and those who helped destroy their gate and other property put out the fire. Ungrateful and spiteful. Perfect.

EVENT#5 : Desperate times calls for desperate measures

Because of the recent incident with my uncle, Mom had to go home. That only means one thing: CHORES FOR ME! I didn't like the idea of it but may be worth the experience. A week without mom is a crash course in HOMEMAKING101. Who knows, on the seventh day, I'm good enough to marry. HAHAHAHA.

Sold!

I feel like I sold my soul to the devil.

And for what, experience? Credentials? Training?

It doesn't matter why or for what because I am here now, wallowing in what I call a consistent stream of responsibility. I'm not complaining because I can't do it. I'm not complaining because I don't want to either. I like responsibility. It keeps me busy. I like being busy because I hate being idle. Otherwise, I could live being idle all my life and I wouldn't care if I went nowhere.

Here's the thing. I am ambitious. Admitedly, I am OC when it comes to things that I think will interfere with my usual routines; or with things that require a lot of patience, because it tests me until I'm ready to break away; or the things that I lack knowledge and interest in.

I have not an inkling of doubt that I have an attention span worse than a baby gnat's. Once my eyes gloss and glaze in the middle of a conversation or an activity, boom! Sorry, I'm out. Zoned out.

Anyway, enough segue.

I think I just needed to let this all out. I'm not sick of my responsibilities, don't get me wrong. Like I said, I like having responsibilities. Sometimes it just gets too heave for my arched back and my neck can't take the pain. Oh, but one thing that I love, though, are words. Thank God for words because they lift me up when I feel like everything has buried me deep into my stresses, insecurities, and doubts.

In a very strange way, I think that words buy me back from the devil. Piece by piece.

Revelations

Half of my day was wasted on oversleeping just like any other weekend morning; what's new? I drag myself to school because of org responsibilities; what's new?

What is new, really?

I talked to a friend this afternoon and I found out something. Well, a lot of things. But that one thing got my eyebrows raised involuntarily. I'm glad that he told me. I'm touched as well, because amidst all the shiz that's been happening to me lately, it flatters me that I am one that can be trusted. I was told that out of all the (very few) people who came to mind, I was the one he could trust. And I'd have to say, he didn't make the wrong choice. I'm glad I got to talk to him; it was more like I'm glad he talked to me about it.

I found out that someone has been hating on me and a few others who are dear to me. Just because you don't like who you're working with doesn't mean you have the license to make their workload feel like hell. It's bad enough that you don't cooperate, it's worse that you don't make an effort at all. The worst part is, you do it on purpose because of a really shallow reason. I hate how you put on a mask of a damn smile whenever I see you because I know that behind that mask is a scowl so bad I wanna rip your face off. (Haha, too graphic.) No, really, don't make it look like I don't know shiz cos I do. I'm not stupid and you know it. Unless you make more wrong decisions and make a fool of yourself in the long run, let's see who surfaces as stupid.

Another person has been talking shiz behind my back (huh?) and I'm not even surprised. Not that I'm someone famous or interesting or whatever that people talk about. That's exactly why I'm irked and unresponsive at the same time. I am a nobody! I am a nobody except in one aspect: the organization. I am not one who abuses power when I have it, but I do know how to make power work. You've served in your own time and now I do things the way I believe would be for the better. Don't go thinking that I decide just because I want it my way. Do think that I have a band of minds working with me (of which the second person of this entry is not a part of, in any way) and we have thought about processes long and hard before we implement them. So don't go sticking your nose in someone else's shiz cos I guarantee you that if you don't stop, it will get dirty.

I've always said that hate is such a big word and it deserves to be associated with nothing else but crap. So pardon the next statement: I hate this entry. There's just so much hate. Like, try 2 of 3 topics? Haha. I might delete this entry when the time comes that I can't take the crappiness of this any longer. But for now, I'm glad that I word-vomited because I feel a lot better. :)

Not Bitter, Just Annoyed

I made a promise that I would never write out of impulse because I can't take them back and there would be so much to regret over in the end. This time can be an exception because it's about something I'm sure of, no matter what happens. For the sake identity censorship, yes, I'm nice like that, I'll leave out their names and will try to be as less vague as possible.

I saw an exchange of comments over Facebook between a boy and a girl. The girl posted a video where only the boy was tagged. I'm certain that it's something I'm not supposed to see because of reasons I'd rather keep to myself. So anyway, the video was apparently about the girl greeting the boy a happy monthsary (see, that's not even a word. Haha.) The boy goes loco, OMG OMG thank you, I love you, I love you, I love you. La la la. And so the girl went, blah blah blah, I love you, too!

And then the boy goes I love you one more time.

Okay, I'm not bitter because I don't have a boy I can say that to. Believe me, there are times that I long for someone but I'm totally fine having none at the moment. Anyway, the point is, I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed neither at the way they conversed, nor with the million I love yous that I felt was empty, but at the fact that they do not have an inkling of an idea what the hell love means. I'm sure about this, okay? Fine, so what if they're just both 15 (clue right there), I've said those words to someone when I was just 14. But then, years later, I came to situations and experiences where I realized that I didn't mean it then because it was not love after all.

Who am I to talk about love that I reserve my right to be irked at "false" love? And who am I to say what's love and what love is not? I do not know who I am to say so, I cannot tell if I have the credibility, but I sure as hell know what love felt like. I know the boy, he doesn't know what love is.

Too Little Or Too Much?

I hate how I run out of words to say/blog about. I mean, I don't get why I hesitate to write about anything when this blog is not only a personal outlet to vent out with or document my daily life, but it's a blog that worships randomness. Spontaneity is the key! I think I've been thinking too much lately.

I couldn't write because either I have too little (or none) to talk about; or there's just too much happening with my days this week.

So here. Musings:

• Today, my dad registered me, my mom, and three friends in the upcoming Mizuno Infinity Run 2010 happening this April 11 at The Fort, Bonifacio Global City. No singlet included but there's a finisher's shirt. Hmm. I wonder if I'd fit in a small-sized singlet. Haha.
• I've been doing my personally-crafted "training program" for the last couple of days. This exercise routine includes sit-ups, leg-raises, touch-toe bending, and leg stretching for at least 15 minutes twice per day. I guess I'm still on my personal best high.
• The responsibility I have with GMG just increased |<---infinity---THIS MUCH---infinity--->| since two weeks ago after the proclamation, I'm fully aware of that. But I didn't expect the responsibility to actually kick in this early! I'm going loco.
  
• I sort of lost drive in watching American Idol since I missed it last week. Maybe I'd tune in again when it's near the finals. Heh.
• I've read an article by Winnie Monsod about why she will vote for Noy. She pointed out interesting facts that I think the Filipino people should really consider. Come on. For the good of the country, please? I'm not saying explicitly that I'm for Noy, I just agree that Monsod had good points. Swakto.
  
• Summer is near. I'm not hitting the beach. I want something interesting to do! Shout out: Sis and Beggie! Lunch-movie-coffee date? Sure yan ah. Haha. :)

Thazzit for now, love.

Word Vomit

Word vomit is simply a rant-fest. If you have very little patience, I suggest that you exit this page or divert from this entry, at least.

So I'll just air out a few stuff, some food for thought, the likes of which. La la la la.

I hate it when people of authority over you nag like there's no tomorrow and you don't even know why, at that. I totally get how they feel, that they just see to it that you're fully-functioning and all that. What I don't get is that you have a problem with me and you seem to suddenly divert randomly and name-drop. I can take all the sh*t they're ready to give me because I think I've been stronger, but the fact that the people I love get run over is a whole different story. I am crying buckets right now and I'm sure there will be more.

I hate it when people of authority over you try to threaten you as they turn the things that you love against you. That one thing that you are most passionate (or maybe not really) about is about to be taken from you, how would you feel about that? To make things even harder, you've already been rid of freedom to explain because of baseless assumptions, and that your life has been really great (not being sarcastic, okay) except for unreasonable provisions set upon you.

I just want to stress that I'm not in a rebelling phase. Like what a friend recently told me, it's only "inflicting injury to yourself". I totally get why you are being that way. I just don't think it's fair that people I love get involved sans reasonable cause. I don't think it's fair that I get more strangled than I always have been and the things that I value most are taken from or turned against me.