Quarter Life Musings

I wrote this earlier this afternoon while I was in the office, idling away into a void. There are days like such at work. Oh, but that's a day in my life lately. The amount of work spikes and dips like crazy, which solely depends on the demands of my boss. Not that he demands in-a-bad-way-demands for things to be done, he's a nice boss! *buyaaag, knocks on wood*

Anyway, it's the eve of my 21st birthday, and for the first time in weeks, I shall post an entry in my seemingly neglected cyberspace of a blog.

It's the eve of my 21st birthday and for the first time in weeks, I have decided to write down all my musings that have been on my mind for a couple of months now.

It has been just a little over a month when I defended my thesis; yes, my thesis that has plagued this blog for almost a year! Before my thesis term happened, I vowed to focus, focus, and focus! Having no more than three academic units that term when thesis started, I certainly had no other responsibilities, save for my beloved Green Media Group (GMG). Since then, I seem to have lost connection to the outside world. It's not like I lost my social life totally (because I admit I lost half of it) or that I suddenly decided to become a hermit or hide under a rock; it's more like living life entirely and solely for the completion of thesis. For seemingly endless months, thesis had been my life.

I won't delve on thesis any more since, like I said, this blog is full of it. If you track back until around say, September 2010 in Retrospective Perspective (archives), and you'll find the answers to all your questions. Haha!

Anyway, that part of my life is over and done, but the heartache lives on, insiiiide. TOTALLY KIDDING. (If you're someone I really get along with, admit it, you sang that part. Haha.) Seriously, now that it's over and done, I have been thinking about a lot of things: from the past, all those mistakes and learning from them; the present, how thankful or spiteful I have become toward a lot of things; and the future, what lies ahead as I linger in this uncertain present.

This isn't exactly "quarter life crisis" like what a few of my peers say that they're currently experiencing or recently have undergone. For one, I see no crisis in my situation; and two, let me save us the argument by saying that the average lifespan of a human being is about 80 years old, so I can definitely say that at 20, this is quarter life. Haha!

I have done way too many things in only two decades. Presenting, my life summary so far.

For the earlier part of my life, I may have only acted according to somebody else's will (say, my parents) because they say it's what's right or it's for the best. Also during my childhood, I probably just thought, acted, and spoke the way that society and culture expected me to. Looking back on that part of my childhood, I have no regrets. I was just a kid after all. I can even say that I have had a great childhood. You know, nothing tragic like homes catching fire or serious illnesses; nothing extraordinary like winning the lottery as well. I couldn't have asked for anything more when I was born into a loving home with a dad and mom who love each other unwaveringly to create a nurturing environment, and a brother who I share a love-hate relationship with; you know how siblings are.

When I finally learned to think, act, and speak out of my own volition, I also began to realize how complex the seemingly simple things have become. Maybe they were complicated to start with and I was just too young to realize it; or that they have always been pretty easy and I have grown to be the eccentric over-thinking being that I am. Either way, I have no regrets. I have done stupid things that cost me and some others their valuable time, effort, and energy; something I'm not very proud of, but we all have those skeletons in our closets, don't we? Yet I make sure to never let it surface. I have become a beacon of negativity during a short phase of my adolescent life. That's one thing I would prefer to be erased from my memory, but that would mean I won't learn from it.

I can proudly say that I am not that person anymore. Well, at least when it came to perspectives about life in general. Dad constantly reminds my brother and I about, beyond physics, how the law of attraction (The Secret by Rhonda Byrne) will keep us motivated about anything we set our minds to; and mom makes sure we don't just hear dad's words of wisdom but actually listen to it and live it.

The new chapter of my life when I started studying at the university back in 2007 was a turning point for most of what and how I am now. College changed me from that wallflower back in high school. 2008 didn't make much positive difference, though, making a big leap from awesome to plain ohmygod-why-is-this- happening. Gladly, 2009 was the year of recovery and recuperation, the year of steady! Come 2010, my college batch mates started graduating and gettin jobs, while I, completing my course curriculum requirements stayed at university and making good use of my spare time being immersed and trying to be useful to GMG. Thesis was set to commence that year as well. The rest is history, let's leave it at that. Haha, you know it when you know about it and my lips stay sealed; I'd love to give my emotions a break! Haha.

As for 2011... Brace yourself for the cliche. It is a rollercoaster ride.

Inexplicable level of stress. Too much unnecessary drama. Bewildering spontaneity. That and everything else! I'd be exaggerating but it's safe to say that everything that can happen to me to make my life interesting has probably happened already.

And most recently, my forthcoming graduation from the university, finally. October 15, 2011, mark it.

Highest of highs and lowest of lows, thirteen terms of going to and from both ends of the emotional spectrum is the best four years and three months of my life. For everything, regardless of anything, I am and will forever be grateful! Thank you, Lord.

Today, I say good bye and thank you for the irreplace much more and memorable twenty years! And cheers to you for being a proactive part of my life. Cheers to creating a lot more of those in the years to come!

See you around in this voyage to greatness!

What Drives You

What gives you motivation to do something? What inspires you to start one thing and push you enough to finish it? What then sets the limit for you?

Inspiration comes in spurts, just like "eureka" or light bulb moments. It's neither an involuntary thing nor is it something you can do at will. It's just natural, and you know it when it's there, knocking at your door or waving its arms in front of your face.

As for me, a meek creature of habit (or make that short-term hobby?), I get mundane-to-insane ideas in a span of a millisecond, just like an ordinary person. But unlike the ordinary creative person, I seldom put these ideas into action. I'm a planner; I plan to do this, to eat that, to go here, to try those, and to make lists like these that go on forever. I'm not a very good doer, though. I believe that time is my biggest rival. I always find myself going against it in a manner that I can barely manage! Say, for instance, I suddenly had this bright idea to make an art project; just because! I think about it at that moment, then day and night and then over and over, make plans, start preparing to make it happen--if I get lucky to even reach that part of the process. Must be the universe or just me, but I rarely finish (or start) on my brilliant personal goals. It's very frustrating, I just realized.

Just squeezing this in, a photo of my personal command center and limited necessary equipment! Haha. (Computer, external hard drive, microphone, SD card [in slot, not visible in photo] all cramped in a tiny space in my room.)

So at the birth of a very hopeful video blog channel at YouTube, I have recently reassessed my life's goals. Well, erm, haven't really gone to that level, if you know what I mean. (No? Uh, say, career + marriage + kids kind of thing. Haha.) Anyway, yeah, I realized how passive I have been for such a long time. I do not want to think it's underachieving just because I rarely get things done because I want it for me. Right now, I am head over heels hopeful that I can finally do things with my life (and free time) because I want to do it and not because I need to or somebody tells me to. As with my previous entry, I have stated there which things you may expect from my channel and hopefully that will keep me on track!

Sure, there's thesis now and other important responsibilities despite the intensity of dedication and determination I plan to put into this current interest of mine. I won't let this hobby get in the way of my priorities but I have invested in this "personal project" (yeah, let's call it that haha) enough to see its way through continuum, and hopefully increments of that fulfilling finish!

On Wishing

I seriously cannot wait for the 11th hour and 11th minute of November 11, 2011! That would be the ultimate wishing minute ever! Too many elevens! Aaahhh! Haha.

A year ago, I never gave it much thought, the 11:11 thing. People say that when the clock strikes 11:11, AM or PM, you have to wish. Nobody said it was effective. Not one gave me a valid reason as to why I should do so; some were just apathetic. Without cause, I didn't even believe in it. Not until my childhood best friend and cousin was diagnosed with lupus last January 2010 did I force myself to give it a shot; it won't hurt, I guess. And so it became a practice. Sometimes I would think that 11:11 did me too many a favor during "hopeless" times.

I say it is psychological. Since one's awareness is heightened about a specific want/need, it's only natural to attract such thought into becoming a reality. Now, that, the law of attraction, I believe in!

How did such phenomenon come about anyway? I saw my college best friend's short but swak blog entry for today and it made me really curious, hence this entry. I did some browsing over the internet about different claims on the 11:11 phenomenon (when I should be finishing my thesis paper) when I finally told myself that it doesn't matter, really. It doesn't matter if wishes do come true when one wishes at 11:11 AM or PM. Like I said, you attract what you want to happen in your life. But here's the most interesting I've seen, kinda freaky, actually: CLICK!

On a side note, totally irrelevant: I didn't plan to write anything tonight because I'm too lazy. Best if I save it for thesis. But today, ah! Today has been way too eventful that I couldn't decide what to write about and where to start! I discovered a new way to make blogging so much easier especially when laziness strikes: FLOOD YOUR OWN FACEBOOK WALL AND PRINT SCREEN IT! Then post! Haha!

Another Round, Anyone?

October

was

ridiculously

awesome.

I

sure

hope

November

can

top

that!

Enough said.

On Being Hopeful

I am back from total internet hiatus. Last week was intense! April 20-21 and 23-24 was Cultural Arts Office Executive Board 2010-2011 Leadership Training and Teambuilding Seminar. CAO LTTS, for easier reference. Haha. It's my second year to participate in such activity, only that I'm elected President now, and last year, Vice President for Externals. Now, the only reason that I divulged such terms on this entry, because I normally would prefer to be vague, is that I feel more hopeful of what this incoming school year could bring.

I am more in touch of bigger responsibilities, or so I think. Or would it be more apt if I said, I have the biggest responsibility? Hmm. As GMG alumni and funny man Jino del Mundo said to me some time in March, I think it went like this:

Congrats, Cee! You're the mommy of the group now. You're first in line when the shit hits the fan. Good luck!

It may sound snide or sarcastic. But it doesn't sound as bad, really, especially when you know him. It's actually a great advice because it would always remind me of the responsibility at hand. ANYWAY.

We had this commitment sharing on the last day of the teambuilding seminar. We were to create an artwork reflecting our commitment as officers of the organization. We came up with this:
It's an impression of our workplace, the Teresa Yuchengco Auditorium, or TYA, as we fondly call it. It is shaped into a sphere to represent the world. Contrary to popular belief that the TYA is GMG's world, I strongly oppose this statement because I believe that it's not enough. To those who know me as me, I'm all for change and non-conforming. Not that I plan to deviate from the norm but I think that I, together with my co-officers, can make a significant change. In the same way that we do our best to create a beauty in the success of shows we produce on stage, maybe it's time that we carry out these endeavors in creating a better world, by saying instead: The world is our stage. Deep, yes. Long way to go, yes. But it's a start! ;)

I have high hopes for this year. :)

[Both photos courtesy of Meryl. Thanks, sis. :)]

Welcome to Finals

Finally, Lasallians will soon face the wrath of the stresses of finals week. It may not be the prettiest sight one's hopes and wishes can muster but I definitely would choose that over any other academic week. Third term felt so long, my oh my. I don't like the idea of final exams because I like projects, papers, presentations, and deadlines better. I'm weird like that, I know.

I was supposed to see my best friend, Bru, and a good friend, Carizza, fresh from Davao City today. Unforeseen circumstances and unlikely mishaps got in the way. I'm sad. But! The weekend is beckoning! Hopefully, they'll have time between their debate tourneys to squeeze in some bond-with-Cee-time. I want to make this meet up happen. I miss them both so bad! So there, I'm sad. But not sad enough to shun away how great my afternoon and evening went!

Even though I'm missing two people, I had an awesome time with another set of two people anyways. My other best friend (yes, I have quite a list of them), Joh, and my lover-friend (no malice on the title), AJ, are a match made in awesome-land. We went to Greenbelt, despite the lack of purpose (which was supposed to be the meet up), and just had fun. I couldn't say more. Us three are crazy. Hahaha.

ANYWAY. I have a packed weekend ahead of me. Projects, papers, and a presentation to work on are on an OC-made time block. apart from that, I have org term-end responsibilities to tend to in between study time and examination days. I normally would have gone on a serious rant-fest given this scenario. I'm actually surprised how calm and collected a state I am in. I'm looking forward to an extremely busy-but-fun-in-between weekend.

I'm loving my life. :)

Taking The Wheel

Today wasn't my usual class-chill-stat-hangout-MIA-chill Thursday.

I drew this on my best friend Joh's nape, see? CUTIE! I think I wanna be a tattoo artist if worse comes to worst. Bahahaha!

I took the wheel tonight and boy did I drive! (Haha, what?) The Green Media Group had its last general assembly for this school year and it was awesome. Hehe. Well, generally, maybe not really that awesome, but it was to me! It was the first time that I presided a general assembly. It was nothing much, really. It's just like talking in front of a class, telling them about your plans and all other agenda. It was cool.

Two weeks ago, the Executive Board for the next academic year was announced. Tonight, more brave souls were summoned to the call of leadership and responsibility: the Pool Heads for GMG's six unique pools.

[L-R] Incoming pool heads for an awesome year ahead: Frank (Hosting), Hannah (Creatives), Raj (Production Design), Celine (Coverage), Robin (Scriptwriting), and Joan (Audio-Visual Production).

Outgoing (and proxy) pool heads and incoming pool heads!

Outgoing pool heads, incoming pool heads, plus the executive board! We are gonna have an awesome year, loves! ♥

Going through a transition phase yet again, and this time, I really should take the wheel. Note to self: In everything that you do, DFTBA! (Don't forget to be awesome!)

The Future Started Today

Responsibility is something I've always had, but it wasn't something I always chose to deal with. Sometimes, random circumstances tweak the way your life was supposed to go... Or at least how you wanted it or how you planned it. It's all a matter of recognizing priorities and acknowledging what's urgent and important.

Today marked the beginning of a future (I hope will be) filled with surprise, excitement, new insights, new learning, and maybe a bit of healthy stress. Haha! Come on, I'm not being pessimistic; it's all part of the job. Pressure will always be there to create stress, eventually. Just a reality check. Haha.

Today, the gods have spoken. Haha, what gods? I have one and He's the only one I got.

I know and I believe my Father loves me, He never leaves me.

My Father's Child
(A gospel song I learned back in grade school.)

I am more than scared than confident, which isn't such an advisable start. But the more that I think about it, I am constantly being reminded that there will always be my GMG mommies and current co-executive board members who I can run to when all is set on rocky ground.

Outgoing and incoming EBs.
[Photo courtesy of Joan Guinto]

All geared up? Good to go? Let's do this, darlings!
AJ, Meryl, Mimi, Sheila, and Angge... WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER, OKAY? I believe in us! :)
[Photo courtesy of Joan Guinto]

Green Media Group - Second General Assembly,
AY 2009-2010, T3 | Y505

Photos, photos!

Coverage Pool!
[Photo courtesy of Joan Guinto]

So, here.
[Photo courtesy of Meryl Algenio. Thanks, sis. CONGRATULATORY!!! Haha!]

*** EDIT ***
So just to give you more than just an idea, haha, I've been to vague, yeah? Haha. I was elected as the DLSU Green Media Group's President for the incoming school year of 2010-2011. There. Whew. It still feels a little weird to say (or type) that. La la la. :)

Despite Everything

• Most convenient supplement to the inexplicable: OMG!
• Most used and censored acronym: WTF?
• Less harsh version of WTF: WTH?!
• Whatever, giving up soon: FML.
  

Despite everything I'm going through right now, and I'm not kidding, it's A LOT and it's getting on my nerve already, I have this acronym to live by...

[Image acquired from someone's Tumblr from way back when I can't remember. Haha.]

Oh. Not a problem. This is me. I always will be! ;)

Kudos to self-empowerment? Hahaha! So my drama-rama the past few days were triggered by kicking and screaming hormones. Just like what I expected.

Two big week-end-er events that happened today:

1. Media Entrepreneurship elective class midterm presentation about a media business plan held in school in the morning
   
2. DLSU Green Media Group's 7th annual interschool digital film competition: Indie Un-Film 2010 at the SM Mall of Asia Cinema 1, from 2PM-6PM
   

The former was okay. "Great analysis, intelligently researched, but poorly presented." *SIGH* Sorry naman. Haha, not built for business courses! Hahaha. The latter, aye-yai-yai! Awesome! Looks like I didn't forget after all. So, y'all DFTBA, okay? :)