Quarter Life Musings

I wrote this earlier this afternoon while I was in the office, idling away into a void. There are days like such at work. Oh, but that's a day in my life lately. The amount of work spikes and dips like crazy, which solely depends on the demands of my boss. Not that he demands in-a-bad-way-demands for things to be done, he's a nice boss! *buyaaag, knocks on wood*

Anyway, it's the eve of my 21st birthday, and for the first time in weeks, I shall post an entry in my seemingly neglected cyberspace of a blog.

It's the eve of my 21st birthday and for the first time in weeks, I have decided to write down all my musings that have been on my mind for a couple of months now.

It has been just a little over a month when I defended my thesis; yes, my thesis that has plagued this blog for almost a year! Before my thesis term happened, I vowed to focus, focus, and focus! Having no more than three academic units that term when thesis started, I certainly had no other responsibilities, save for my beloved Green Media Group (GMG). Since then, I seem to have lost connection to the outside world. It's not like I lost my social life totally (because I admit I lost half of it) or that I suddenly decided to become a hermit or hide under a rock; it's more like living life entirely and solely for the completion of thesis. For seemingly endless months, thesis had been my life.

I won't delve on thesis any more since, like I said, this blog is full of it. If you track back until around say, September 2010 in Retrospective Perspective (archives), and you'll find the answers to all your questions. Haha!

Anyway, that part of my life is over and done, but the heartache lives on, insiiiide. TOTALLY KIDDING. (If you're someone I really get along with, admit it, you sang that part. Haha.) Seriously, now that it's over and done, I have been thinking about a lot of things: from the past, all those mistakes and learning from them; the present, how thankful or spiteful I have become toward a lot of things; and the future, what lies ahead as I linger in this uncertain present.

This isn't exactly "quarter life crisis" like what a few of my peers say that they're currently experiencing or recently have undergone. For one, I see no crisis in my situation; and two, let me save us the argument by saying that the average lifespan of a human being is about 80 years old, so I can definitely say that at 20, this is quarter life. Haha!

I have done way too many things in only two decades. Presenting, my life summary so far.

For the earlier part of my life, I may have only acted according to somebody else's will (say, my parents) because they say it's what's right or it's for the best. Also during my childhood, I probably just thought, acted, and spoke the way that society and culture expected me to. Looking back on that part of my childhood, I have no regrets. I was just a kid after all. I can even say that I have had a great childhood. You know, nothing tragic like homes catching fire or serious illnesses; nothing extraordinary like winning the lottery as well. I couldn't have asked for anything more when I was born into a loving home with a dad and mom who love each other unwaveringly to create a nurturing environment, and a brother who I share a love-hate relationship with; you know how siblings are.

When I finally learned to think, act, and speak out of my own volition, I also began to realize how complex the seemingly simple things have become. Maybe they were complicated to start with and I was just too young to realize it; or that they have always been pretty easy and I have grown to be the eccentric over-thinking being that I am. Either way, I have no regrets. I have done stupid things that cost me and some others their valuable time, effort, and energy; something I'm not very proud of, but we all have those skeletons in our closets, don't we? Yet I make sure to never let it surface. I have become a beacon of negativity during a short phase of my adolescent life. That's one thing I would prefer to be erased from my memory, but that would mean I won't learn from it.

I can proudly say that I am not that person anymore. Well, at least when it came to perspectives about life in general. Dad constantly reminds my brother and I about, beyond physics, how the law of attraction (The Secret by Rhonda Byrne) will keep us motivated about anything we set our minds to; and mom makes sure we don't just hear dad's words of wisdom but actually listen to it and live it.

The new chapter of my life when I started studying at the university back in 2007 was a turning point for most of what and how I am now. College changed me from that wallflower back in high school. 2008 didn't make much positive difference, though, making a big leap from awesome to plain ohmygod-why-is-this- happening. Gladly, 2009 was the year of recovery and recuperation, the year of steady! Come 2010, my college batch mates started graduating and gettin jobs, while I, completing my course curriculum requirements stayed at university and making good use of my spare time being immersed and trying to be useful to GMG. Thesis was set to commence that year as well. The rest is history, let's leave it at that. Haha, you know it when you know about it and my lips stay sealed; I'd love to give my emotions a break! Haha.

As for 2011... Brace yourself for the cliche. It is a rollercoaster ride.

Inexplicable level of stress. Too much unnecessary drama. Bewildering spontaneity. That and everything else! I'd be exaggerating but it's safe to say that everything that can happen to me to make my life interesting has probably happened already.

And most recently, my forthcoming graduation from the university, finally. October 15, 2011, mark it.

Highest of highs and lowest of lows, thirteen terms of going to and from both ends of the emotional spectrum is the best four years and three months of my life. For everything, regardless of anything, I am and will forever be grateful! Thank you, Lord.

Today, I say good bye and thank you for the irreplace much more and memorable twenty years! And cheers to you for being a proactive part of my life. Cheers to creating a lot more of those in the years to come!

See you around in this voyage to greatness!

Doing What You Love

There are certain things that seem ordinary to a lot of people but not to you. It ignites the tiniest spark of interest that grows into this uncontrollable wildfire of ideas that results into an overwhelming mass of motivation and eventually, fulfillment.

Most people won't give a hoot that I love exhausting myself with backstage and media productions. In fact, some might hate such activity. No matter how much hassle it is when interspersed with college and family responsibilities among other things, I do it for the love of giving into what makes me happy. Sure, the demands can be improbable, but that doesn't mean I can't improvise to make the tasks possible; tried and tested, my friend: four years! I lived through four years of bureaucracy by bending but never breaking rules because I know I will only be truly happy to know that I tried and risked, at the least. I do what I do because I love how people of all walks of life become a part of my success and fulfillment.

By doing what you love, you add a little extra effort in and the inevitable extra exhaustion hits rock bottom to the point of power depletion. Doing what you love makes all the effort and energy spent worthwhile! The payoff is always the trophy and gold medal to your seemingly endless marathon, knowing that from the gun start, you have been determined to breeze through it all to the end.

Sometimes, though, I feel that what I do is thankless. (Believe you me, I'm not yearning for credit where it's un/due; four years with my school org taught me that. It's just that I'm a person, too, and I hit rock bottom sometimes. Haha.)

I worked as production assistant today, to a project that my friend is producing, care of the production company she's currently connected with. And I realized that the thanklessness I felt/feel is not always the case with the industry I'm moving around in. It depends with the client/people you're dealing with, the weight of the workload, and the massive amount of pressure upon your shoulders.

In contrast to what I experienced with previous projects (I'm not about to specify where these projects took place and who are involved, haha), today taught me that regardless of your passion in what you do, external forces (such as people's understanding of your task, purpose, or whatnot) determine the intensity of fulfillment that awaits you in the end.

When people understand what, why, and how you do what you love, you're on the way to trashing the idea that your productiveness equates to nothing more than just exhaustion! Ultimately, just make sure you do it out of your own free will and not obligation or coercion. What matters is what's practical and I say practical is whatever makes your heart leap for joy. ;)