. . .

An ellipsis is a series of marks that calls for an intentional omission of words, or a provocation of thought, whatnot. Right now, an ellipsis best describes my current state of... Speechlessness? Oh, not even. The fact that I have these words now makes it null.

It's just that... I can't bring myself to be any more forcibly optimistic in the same way that I can't let myself delve into pessimism.

I am capable only of apathy and numbness; I incessantly fall into a pit of endless space that I can't seem to decide whether I'm sinking or floating. I cannot decide if what I see is black, white, or gray. I don't know if it's colored, either. Even my knowledge of colors seem to be subject of doubt.

Un-think, un-think, un-think, please... All these undesirable musings; these musings that do not seem far from reality. It comes into full circle, I realize, as reality, yet again, proves to be unworthy of cognitive desire. But it has not happened yet. I hope it won't, that mind-boggling possibility.

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing. I'm holding on, I'm holding on, I'm barely holding on to you.

I can't sleep. I'm too busy fighting with the demons in my head.